Sunday, February 2, 2014

Broken Hearted

Allie's outfits are chosen and placed in her daily hanging organizer. My outfits are laid out for each day of this upcoming week. I know what I'm grabbing for breakfast each morning (to eat in the car). Five lunches are prepared and sitting in the fridge. This weeks dinner menu is selected. Milk is defrosting and Ayden's bottles are prepared for day care. My school bag, my lunch bag, my pump, Ayden's bottle bag, and Allie's backpack are all sitting by the door...ready to go. (Getting everything, including two kids, into the car is probably going to take me three separate trips).

I may be prepared...but yet again, I'm really not. Tomorrow I have to say goodbye to my two favorite littles I've been with each and every day these past 4 and a half months. I'm not ready for THAT MOMENT...that moment tomorrow morning I say goodbye, walk out of Lynnie's house, and get in my car...and head back to school. Every working mommy knows that feeling. Sadness, guilt, depression.  My heart is breaking!  I know I will survive, but just barely. 

Today marks the end of an maternity leave. A leave of absence I will never have again. I spent the majority of my morning preparing for the week, because I know every evening is going to be one big RUSH!  Rush out of school to pick up the kids. Rush home to feed Ayden on time. Rush to workout (my whole 25 minutes in my basement).  Rush to make dinner, eat dinner, clean up dinner...wash bottles, refill bottles, freeze milk...bath the littles, pack Allie's bag for tomorrow, pack my lunch for tomorrow, feed Ayden (again), read and say goodnight to Allie, read and give Ayden a bottle (again), get Ayden down, shower and finally fall flat on my face in my bed from pure exhaustion...praying no one wakes up in the middle of the night. 

Although I spent the very last morning of my maternity leave preparing, I spent the rest of my day snuggling my Ayden and having a princess tea party in a castle tent, dressed in my best tea party hat, with my Allie girl. I was served red pepper and onion for dinner and spaghetti and egg for dessert with my tea.  What more could I ask for? 

...except to win the lottery so I could do this all day, every day. God, give me the strength to hold it together tomorrow. 

1 comment:

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